Losing It All

"Failure is simply an opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently."

- Henry Ford

They were the rustling of the trees, the cold touch of the wind and the peaceful lock of the sky that made me smile at times during the night. I liked it that way while I sat agog looking at the bright stars above me. 

As a child, I used to point at the brighter stars and compare one from the other. I even named them, and then, waited for another night to come and see if I could still recognize each one. I was always excited for the night to come so I can take another stare at my beloved stars and continue to dream that those bright stars are also seen by someone somewhere far. That very instance was magical for me as I imagined it happening, sparks of wonder filled my eyes and a flicker of excitement built in my chest. 

Now, I could only sigh at those thoughts. I am no longer waiting for the night to come and watch the stars. I just got tired and lost interest. They only gave me false hopes and blank reassurances, and I was greatly DISAPPOINTED.

Disappointments bring the greatest heartaches people say. They were those moments when I would put my hope so high, do my best and nothing happens in the end. They were those nights of star gazing, with the hope for a single person to reach out to me and ask me if I was alright. None of course came to my rescue, and I was on my own. I was so heartbroken and almost dying, but no one knocked on my door.

After a while, I left my habit of star gazing. The spot where I used to sit at night is now shabby with dirt and dust, aged by time. I had been dumb to expect things to just magically happen while I did nothing but sit complacently under the vast sky. 

Realizations hit me fast, I was disappointed because I expected so much while I did so little. I had been wrong. My eyes were captivated by fairy tales, but this life is no fairy tale! This is reality. Disappointments grow from a tired heart owned by a person with a drained mind. I should have been wiser. Whilst wishing for a friend to magically appear and stargaze with me, I should have instead asked someone to join me every night. I should have been braver; not only hoped or wished but should have acted on it. Because I was trying so hard to heal my broken heart which false hopes and blank reassurances gave me, I deliberately locked myself in my bedroom away from the sound of the rustling tress, the cold touch of the wind and the peacefulness of the evening I so much loved. Now, I have lost everything... I lost them all.