The Look of Pretty

(Click here to listen to this poem)

"I feel pretty, oh so pretty,

I feel pretty and witty and bright,

And I pity any girl who isn't me tonight.

Lalalalalala"

A song I heard from a long drowned past

From "The Sound of Music's" cast

But now, I remembered it well, 

That day when I tried to teach little children to sing a song

About feeling beautiful about themselves, but I can't.

I can't and I would not able myself to believe that the outward curves,

The teeth gaps, the bumpy skin and big dry curly hair are beautiful.

Seeking assurance from people around me to tell me that these, these imperfections in me are nothing because the truth is beyond these crevices and cracked edges, still I am pretty.

But, no! People are shouting with silent voices and empty words,

No one wants to lie to me and tell me I am pretty despite all these

Ugliness in my body, face and life! No you are not pretty!

Accept it. No one will make you feel worthy, 

Or smart

Or bright

And beautiful!

Because you are not pretty!

You are a worthless human being who I pity!

The finger is pointing directly at me

Their eyes are unblinking

Bodies all rigid and tense from saying those four words with conviction.

You are not pretty.

Years have passed and I still sing that song

No longer to teach little children

But to teach me.

I thought that these wounds on my skin were already healed with time and obvious changes

But no, they are just scars that once poked again, will easily bleed and it was painful.

Beautiful is not a simple word just to describe those perfectly carved jaw, well molded neck, lively breasts, flat bosom and bouncy asses.

Beautiful is a word that I should have known from people who embraced me while I was helplessly crying at night asking for milk for sustenance. 

Beautiful is a word that kids at school should have seen beyond my outward curves, teeth gaps, ugly skin and big, dry and curly hair can offer.

Beautiful is a word that People should learn how to say with fluency and perfect tongue rolls.

It is a word that people should have learned to say even as a lie.

Because, me? I believed people when they said I was an exclamation point.

A mark that says you are not pretty, can never be pretty and have never been pretty with pointless lines of endless convictions. A mark that ended every sentence with utter hyper statement, that You! You! Pity you because you are not beautiful! You will never be beautiful.