In relation to Twenty-four and NO BOYFRIEND SINCE BIRTH!
Twenty-four years of never having any romantic relationship with anybody made me believe that there is really something wrong with me. This thought made me feel foreign of my own body, lose myself and questioned my capabilities, not only as a female but as a person as well. It was a domino effect, one issue lead to another and branched out to so many other personal dilemmas.
There came prospects to build the long awaited emotional attachment, but none worked. Then, I was enlightened that after all this time, I am emotionally unavailable. I was not aware that I have invested so much hate and doubt to myself that I lost the ability to open up, hear and love others. I thought I was selfless, but instead, I was a selfish person who cared so much about myself and what other people think of me. Always in a rush to make things happen because I was fearful that something wrong may occur if I don't push things through. Because of this I lost control of myself and forgot how to be happy.
So, during the process of finding myself and taking life slowly, I held on to the ONLY thing in my life that remained constant, God's unfailing love for me. His love helped me make it through all the heart aches until the realizations I had of myself above. He allowed Himself to be my rebound and even died for me over and over, just because of His unfailing love for me.
God has been good to me. I feel so precious being loved this much by a KING. As a leader of His army, He took me away from my captors or the people who He has not prepared me for but still I stubbornly pull into my life. Yes, I am that precious to Him (despite all of my imperfections) that He does not want to give my hand to somebody not worthy of me. "For the spirit of God has made me, and the breath of the Almighty gives me life (Job 33:4)." Like an artist is to His masterpiece, He is this protective to me. As a father protects His child, the King wraps me, His princess, around His arms and keep me safe, warm and loved.
How sure am I about His plans for me? I am so sure that He has my life already written beautifully. Although I still do not know how, when, where or with whom things will fall into place, I just know in my heart He has plans for me. He answered my prayers with a resounding "Wait." He told us, "Knock and it will be given to you; Seek and you will find; Knock and the door will be opened to You (Matthew 7:7)" because "God, who began this good work in you, will carry it on until it is finished. (Phil 1:6)" He will finish whatever He started and He started with a dream that someday I will be with a person who is loving, Godly, understanding and patient. I am at the palm of His very hands and in time His WILL shall happen.
How can I be so sure, you might ask? Because it is written, "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed you can say to this mountain 'move' and it will move. (Matthew 17:20)" I have raised my faith to the Lord, though at times it falters. Now, all I am called for is to be patient, as written "Be patient. God isn't finished with you yet. (Phil 1:6)"
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