Catch Your Light

I understand that living is difficult. You are surrounded by the ugly truth of responsibilities. There are bills to pay, families to support, dreams to fulfill and reputations to uphold. Sometimes, you go through them with a swift, but oftentimes you are challenged and the challenges are never easy. Whenever you are given a trial which weight is greater than what you can bear, you tend to raise the white flag and announce giving up. You can only take as much, beyond your comfort is really too much.

I understand that feeling when you have given your all, done what you could, pray to the heavens fervently and tired your body and yet you still failed, and not just a simple failure, you flunk to the bottom losing everything even those that you did not include in the gamble and those you treasured so much are all gone. Everything has gone. Everything's over.

I understand losing your wits and the motivation to change the result. I understand shutting yourself from the world around you, because if not, you will just be reminded over and over the things you can never have anymore. I understand how comfortable lying on a bed as it faces the ceiling because it covers the sky beneath you as you lie down. It covers the light from radiating to your faces. I understand the warmth of the blankets give you. I understand the difficulty of talking. I understand choosing silence than having to explain your failures to people. I understand it all because I've been there. I understand thinking that death is better than living in a life of hell.

I understand it. But, I also know that I am still alive. I choose to breathe because a day more of living is another chance for me to succeed. I am at the bottom of the game. After all my hard work and determination I failed and am back to square one. It took me a while but I have come to a realization that I am not born to be comforted. Life is unfair, I just have to deal with it! 

I am like a soldier battling my way to freedom from this cell of hate, pity and death. I am not born to be comforted because I am born to be challenged and to survive beyond my limitations. I know these trials are mostly too much to bear, I understand it is difficult but I have to hold on. Death is never a choice because good choices should lead to more crossroads. Death is not a choice because it is a dead end, no more crossroads to pass just the emptiness of the dark. 

I tell you just like what I told myself. Don't do it. Life is rough now, but as long as you have another now, there is still hope and chance for things to get better. If you are so down, flunked to the bottom and lost everything, do not think about death, because so long as you have NOW things can get better; the only way is up. Do whatever you dream of doing, there is nothing to lose once you lost everything, but there are more to gain instead. Take your time, you only breathe a lifetime. Don't worry about how long the journey will take, maybe it is the purpose you are dreaming to find after all.

You are never alone. Remember that! You have a world full of people around you, try opening your mouth and speak the first word that comes into your mind and go from there. I understand it is a lot of work, but take your time as little children did when learning how to talk and walk. People may seem tired of waiting until you are able to speak with sense or walk straight, but YOU shouldn't. Try once more. They may seem tired but they'll never surely miss the moment you will start speaking. Hold on until you are able to utter "Help."

Life is challenging. It is difficult. But it is the wonder of life itself. You can never just go with the flow, you have to fight the current. You may never get rich, famous or acknowledged along the run, but it should not matter. Live life for yourself. Do whatever makes you happy. Do not listen to the voices that tell you you are never good enough for anybody or anything. Listen to your own voice. Do not haste. You have a lifetime of chasing your purpose. You still have a lifetime to capture the light that has gone missing.