Thoughts

THOUGHTS

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Entry No.  1.1

I have not been seeing any rainbows lately.

Days passed by always in a hurry, and my eyes seem to look at things so blurry. I cannot smile whole heartedly, and my brows are always slanting inwards. I just cannot find unicorns, rainbows, lollipops and cloud-nines anywhere. I am sad and tired from all these endless nothingness I am in.

All I can do is to walk on and on, so aimlessly to nowhere. My path is darkened by hopelessness and fear. I cannot see any light of hope. My ears are deaf from the monotonous sound of my own voice, while my throat is dry from my mute words. I defy talking. I defy listening. I can hear, but I cannot understand what everybody is saying.

All these time, I have created a person I thought I was. But I have been lied by myself. I do not know who I am after all. Things, people, opportunities and situations – they all define who I am. People know things about me I thought they do not know. Things I do not like had happened to me. Opportunities slip through my hands freely and situations hurt me over and over. I am a shadow of who I used to be. People see me, but I am no one special. They walk by me, and do not care. I am not interesting because I have nothing for them to appreciate. I am a dark figure lurking on the pavements and walls in the night.

When I tried to step into the light, I am given this smirk of disgust. I am a nobody. 

Then people will ask me, why I cannot see rainbows? Let me ask too, how can you even see rainbows in the dark?