Thoughts

THOUGHTS

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Entry No.  1.0

Through the years, I have come to a realization that one of the best ways to live happily is having to learn to accept other people. However, acceptance is never an easy task for anyone. That is why people formulated the DABDA stages to acceptance (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance). These phases that we go through is true and evident in our lives, however there, I think, is an easier way to accept people for whatever reason it may be - we have to learn to understand them.

This is a copy of THE TEN RULES FOR UNDERSTANDING OTHERS. I do not know who wrote these rules, but I have been keeping a copy of this for a very long time, and this has been quite helpful to me.

1. BE TOLERANT OF OTHERS. Learn to be patient and tolerant of other people's weaknesses, actions and differences. All people are different from you. Simply because a person is  a boss, friend, teacher or another student does not make that person like you. They are not going to act out the role of boss, friend, teacher or student exactly the way you think they should. You may not understand why the other person acts like he or she does. But you can learn to tolerate that person and his/her differences from you; this is the beginning of all understanding.

2. AVOID EXPECTING PEOPLE TO BE PERFECT. Have faith in people, believe in the, love them, like them, enjoy their company - but accept them the way they are! They come with a lot good and little bad; some positive and a negative; always some plus and always a little minus.

3, BE SURE YOU WANT TO UNDERSTAND PEOPLE. There are times when you find yourself criticizing another person, saying you do not understand why that person acts that way. But perhaps you are finding it easier not to understand that person. Your own negative attitude might be showing. Perhaps you are envious, suspicious or simply you find it easier to dislike that person. As long as you want to be dominated by your own negative feeling, you will never learn to understand others.

4. LOOK FOR THE GOOD IN OTHERS. Will Rogers said: " I never met a man I didn't like!" He, of course, was looking only for characteristic in others he could like. He always found something.

It is amazing how deliberately people seem  to look for other's negative characteristics and take delight in fault finding, in being judgments, which should not be.

Practice doing like Will Rogers - look for the good in others. If you have only positive thoughts of others, you will really have no need for understanding. You have in a sense, achieved it.

5. LEARN TO LOVE THE UNLOVABLE. The happy, personable, popular individual with no irritating qualities presents no challenge for understanding. The challenge is to love the unlovable, including your enemies. It is difficult to understand the people who are rude, sarcastic, arrogant, surly and self-centered. It is difficult to even want to understand them. It requires self-determination to understand that someone has hurt these people. Someone has made them feel unimportant and unwanted.

So these are people who need your understanding. And the reward will be yours for trying. Because in the process, you will grow into a genuinely mature person.

6. HATE THE THING, IDEA, ACTION, NOT THE PERSON. Understanding people does not mean you condone all of their wrongful acts and undesirable characteristics. You will find it easier, however, to create an attitude of understanding if you restrict your dislike to "the thing" rather than the person. Conceit, greed, cynicism, hate, jealousy, self-pity and egotism (to name a few!) are leeches that affix themselves to individuals to cause misery, sickness and depression. You can hate these but have compassion for their victims.

7. GET ALL THE FACTS. In very few instances, you would be irritated with another person if you really knew all the facts. And all the facts include an insight into inner compulsions, needs, experiences and the problems of others. Perhaps the saying attributed to the Indian puts it best: "Great Spirit, help me never to judge another until I have walked two weeks in his moccasins."

8. HAVE EMPATHY. You never perfectly understand people, but you can imagine their feelings. One of the characteristics of your imagination is its ability to place yourself in the other person's situation. You can "imagine" how another feels. And that accomplishes much the same purpose as understanding. It gives a bond of feeling and compassion for others.

9. CONTROL YOUR ATTITUDES.  Remember, there is usually nothing in the other person's actions that irritates you. It is your reactions that cause the negative feeling -- the misunderstanding. Learn to control your "reactions" -- your attitudes -- towards another person and you will automatically control your feelings.

10. DEVELOP A MENTAL IMAGE OF UNDERSTANDING. Picture yourself as an understanding, patient, kind individual. Model your picture if you wish, after an actual person whom you consider having those characteristics. Hold that picture in your mind. Start acting out the image. Soon you will become that person. Use affirmations of yourself as an understanding person.