Entry No. 1.6
THOUGHTS
I was never taught about life’s
moral that a step forward is equally frightening as a step back. All the while
I have mistaken that the past has already been forgotten and forgiven. It was a
big mistake indeed because out of nowhere, they are now slowly creeping out of
the grave from where I have hid them. My senses stood alert from the fear they
exude. Their pungent smell put my breathing to a momentary halt; their coldness
raises every hair in my skin to a painful stand; their screeching noise creates
a deafening buzz in my ear – in my mind. Their unpleasantness blinds my eyes to
see nothing but darkness. Yes, they are slowly killing me.
Is it wrong that I yearn for
happiness? Is it impossible for me to even have a glimpse of that world? Don’t
get me wrong please. I tried to fill my mind with imaginary bliss, but those
delusions last only a flicker, then they are gone. Perhaps it would be best if
I stay in place, not moving; just swaying with the breeze, like a little child resting
peacefully in a rocking hammock.
I could not find what I am looking
for but I know what I yearn for – the sincerest joy.
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