Thoughts

THOUGHTS

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Entry No.  0.8

Have I ever told you what my full-time job is? Well, I am a nurse. I had years of experience working as a neonatal nurse, then moved back to the general ward after few months of rest, and now working as an ICU nurse.

To be honest, working as a neonatal and as an ICU nurse are at both ends of the spectrum. However, in both cases, I am not able to get away from people's expectation of doing my job well and offer my best in caring for our clients. Besides, it is our job to do just that. However, the structures of these areas are quite different and distinct from each other. I can only say much about the functions I did before and am doing now, but this is not an interesting topic to talk about.

The reason, I opened up about my day job with you, is because of the many experiences I had with people I have been working for. Oftentimes, experiences with these people are the most interesting stories one can tell.

I have with me storage after storage of stories about them, their diseases, lives and even their own stories that they have told me. But, what stroked me most is the emotions they have showed each moment an event happened, be it positive or something hard-breaking.

In the neonatal area, I saw parents' love for their newborn; how they meticulously arranged their child's clothes in their bags before they hand it to us, or how patiently they pumped for the tiniest drop of breastmilk for their little one. Those are the only things they could at least do for their baby, while they cannot fully cradle them in their arms because they are sick and attached with lines and lines of contraptions used to monitor or give them sustenance.

On the other hand, at the ICU, I am seeing a different kind of love. A love that is beyond nurturing their own, but that kind of love that surpasses their own power over life itself. Not every case in the ICU end well, although we tried to and hoped for the best, still we cannot overrule the Highest Power.

In the ICU, I saw husbands and wives taking care of each other, while the wife is laying bed ridden with tubes inserted in her mouth, nose, veins and elsewhere, there her husband bent over her feet, hugging and kissing them while tears of utter despair and fear fall down his face.

Or, perhaps, this instance, when the father was on bed, dying. His heartbeat goes flat in a matter of seconds, while we ran fast towards him and started pumping his chest to bring him back to life. At last, we triumphantly brought his pulses back, but still he's not doing good. Only a matter of minutes after that first code, there again we are losing him. His heart rate's starting to go down, pulses gone. Once again, chest compression and medicines to revive him were started. This went on and off for five more times, until the daughter came in and, finally, have decided to let him die in peace; without the pain of a cracked chest bone and the pumping of his heart. An hour later, he was gone. Before leaving, he and his daughter fought the battle of their lives.

There were deaths that are quite expected, so to speak. But there were times when things just happened.

A client was brought in because of Dengue. He was only in for monitoring purposes, however, as he was brought in, his vitals and consciousness started to deteriorate. He was dying. He was a thirty-something man with little children at home. His wife, left outside the ICU to wait until noticed. We, immediately revived him. Intubation was done. Aggressive suctioning facilitated. Not an hour since he came in. He died. His wife was weak in the knees and grieved beside him.

But, there were moments of success as well.

A fifty-something woman was brought in because she was suffering from Cerebro-Vascular Accident (CVA). She was awake at first, but her speech was slurred and half side of her body was weak. She also has productive cough and macroglossia (large tongue) of, at that time, unknown cause. The attending pulmonary physician has decided to intubate her to assist her with clearing the secretions in her lungs, termed as pulmonary toilet. Her consciousness scoring (Glasgow Coma Score) was 11/15, which is good for an intubated client. However, days after she started to deteriorate. Her throat was swelling, also the reason for her macroglossia. But, with aggressive medical care given to her, weeks later, she was extubated and released from the ICU and completed her medical care in the regular room.

 

This client's family was supportive of her and did all they could to provide for her needs. Although that was a tough situation for all of them, they stayed strong and respectful of everyone around them, especially towards their mother's healthcare providers. You see, not everybody can react well on these kinds of situations. Oftentimes, people are so stressed out with these life and death situations, that they tend to express their frustrations to people around them.

At the end of it all, I have come to a realization that nursing is not a job for people with a faint-heart. This profession entails a lot of courage to continuously move on. We cannot just stop and stay in distress because a client we have been working on died. We have to move on, like nothing happened. But, with moving on, we have to keep in mind whatever learning we got from the situation. 

A nurse's job is more than just to physically take care of their sick clients. In our hands are the very lives of these vulnerable people. We also care for the things that are precious to them; things they ought not to tell anybody. We keep enclosed within ourselves everything that matter to them, because they matter to us as well.